I've been staying positive yet this has all been a lot harder than I could have anticipated. I am still struggling with trying to find where I fit back into all this now and trying to figure out who I am here. I am a changed person; changed for the better. And people have changed here as well.
Once I have a physical place to call home I hope that I will feel a stronger sense of belonging. For right now it is just too overwhelming to live in the spare room at Matt's parents house. My mom is getting close to putting a bid on the condo that we love and I really hope it all works out; not just for me but for her and my brother as well. As a family we really need some stability and I think this will be so good for us. My mom and I are getting along better than ever. I think we just see who we have become and how much we have both evolved. My mom has made her mistakes in the past but so have I; I was never the perfect daughter. She really does want to do what is best for both my brother and I and I think that things will turn out quite well.
I am also seeing that my friendships have changed, therefore I am learning where to go from here. I think Sarah and I are going to get closer again and I am truly grateful for that; she has a good heart. I am not sure what will happen for Meghan and I, everything really is different now. We are both trying but this is an obvious level of tension linger below the words we say. Amanda and I are just as we have always been and I could not be happier about her and my brother being back together. Besides my cousin Jenna, Amanda really is the closest I have ever had to having a sister since she really is pretty much a part of my family. It is as if she was always meant to be with us through it all. I just need to hit a point where I officially feel connected again.
Boo is handling this all very well. Although she is clingier with me than she has ever been before. She cuddles with me at night now and she follows me from room to room. At times she even pounds on the door when I take a shower because she wants/needs to be near me. When I first returned I had to leave the bathroom door open and she would just sit either outside the tub or on the side of the tub and cry for me to get out. Its very cute and funny but I hope that eventually she realizes that I am not going to leave her. Its really nice to be loved that much by her now. I feel needed and I think that I need that right now. Its strange how things really tend to work out as they are suppose to...
I like being back at Sherwin Williams but I do sort of wish I took some time off before I threw myself back into work again; unfortunately my finances did not allow such a vacation.
As for Case I already interviewed with my field placement advisor and he sent me three locations that I need to research and interview. Once Matt recovers a little more I think I will schedule those interviews so that I can place a check in that box. I am slightly annoyed that I cannot register for classes for a little while because now I am in my grace period for my loans and I need to register to continue deferment. I am also concerned with the fact that my medical insurance goes up on my birthday and I will not have insurance through Case until I start classes. There is a lot for me to figure out but I am slowly transitioning into this new life.
Nation, You Make Me Tired
15 years ago
