Sunday- The Day of Lost Animals

Boo was found on a Sunday. I will never regret saving her; even when she is very mischievous. Yet, no matter how much I love this one cat, in general I will always be more of a dog person.

Ever since the loss of Hannah and the day I had to say goodbye to Madison there has been something missing, somewhat of a void. Boo does a fairly good job of keeping this in check for me but it never goes away. Maybe it is because I feel guilty that I had to give Madison away and I need to find away to clear my conscience. I am not quite sure how to explain it completely but I do know that the seventeen hours I had that stray dog, Roxy, in my possession I felt a little more complete. I know I did the right thing but it hurts...

Today is going to be a long day.

We saved a life but no good deed goes unpunished...

Fours!

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Shift Manager at Hollywood Video
2. Catering at Miami: Carillon and Marcum (Student Manager)
3. Subcontractor for SMV Painting
4. Sales Associate at Sherwin Williams

Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Forrest Gump
2. Grease
3. Miss Congeniality
4. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Four places I have lived:
1. Brook Park
2. Cleveland
3. Lakewood
4. Oxford

Four places I have been:
1. New York
2. Chicago
3. Baltimore
4. Tampa

Four Favorite drinks
1. Coke
2. Sweet Tea
3. Water
4. Chocolate Milk

People who email me regularly:
1. My Mom
2. Victoria's Secret
3. Border's
4. Chase Bank

Four of your favorite foods:
1. Steak
2. Ice Cream
3. Fettuccine Alfredo
4. Grapes

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Disney World
2. Cleveland
3. NYC
4. Chicago

Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. Graduating
2. Grad School
3. Summer
4. Get a puppy.....? A girl can dream!

Four TV shows that I watch:
1. How I Met Your Mother
2. Smallville
3. Dead Like Me
4. Paranormal State

Listening To: All American Rejects

Open Doors

There is only a little over a month left before we all end our journey at Miami and begin our new lives. This will be a new step into adulthood and part of me is thrilled and there is that other half that is terrified and not ready to give up my home here. I know that most of us will never stop being friends but things will still change. We will never be able to go back but we will look back and fondly remember who we were and the way we were.

So as for my personal open doors I have been struggling greatly trying to figure what is best for me and the future I desire. Basically it has to come down to money because I am already in 60 thousand dollars of debt and I can't afford to add much more. I am suppose to hear from Case's financial aid department this week and I'm really hoping its good news. The 15 grand Wash U is offering me is awesome but not if they aren't going to guarantee me my advanced standing. I was so exciting to get the chance to go there but that is just a deal breaker. I already feel kind of sick of school and there is no way I that I am going to stay in college for two years and pay 45 grand if I can go to Case from August to August and pay way less. The main point of doing this is so get my dream job and I will most likely be able to get a job at Cleveland Clinic or U.H. if I intern there in graduate school. I do want more of an adventure and I don't want to be distracted so hopefully Amanda and I can get a place together. With me in graduate school and her in nursing school we will be on similar schedules and yet we will be able to have tons of fun together. As of right now I feel that this is the ideal situation and I do have to be practical when making adult decisions. I am thinking that if Case offers me at least 10 grand I will take it without hesitation especially since they offer stipends. At this point in time I just can't afford to take a huge risk and Case potentially has more to offer me. I am looking forward to what the future has in store for me.

Although, I do still need to consider that Cleveland State is in the game because they could very well offer me the most money. I just have such an issue with that university...

Making Peace with Pieces

Everyday we change; I am not who I was yesterday and I am not quite you I will be tomorrow today. I often wonder if the pieces of who we used to be remain within us and connect us to the past. All the pieces of my life that are good and bad have made me who I am. I am grateful for my ability to get through the trying times and attempt to learn from them instead of letting them consume me the way many people do. Today a piece of my life that I try to make peace with was brought back into my life with a phone call from a life I don't live anymore. I was forced to think about my dog as my dog again...something I try not to do. She belongs to someone else, I'll always have the Madison that was mine and the best friend of my teen years but the Madison that exists now is separate from me. I realize its silly and childish that this has upset me so greatly but that dog got me through my teen years and I will always feel like I failed as a owner. I know there was nothing else I could have done and I gave her a great home but I still feel guilty and I still miss that silly little puppy. I miss my innocence. I miss those pieces of who I am that are not jaded. I wish I could let things go; I know that is probably my greatest flaw. I hold onto everything and even when I try to fool myself into believing that I am completely fine there are those days and moments that force me to realize that there will always be broken pieces of me that live inside of me. I suppose I should accept that sometimes I will just fall apart and be sad about the past. I hope I can make a difference in this life; a positive one. I hope I can do enough that my conscious feels clear...

Those Last 100 yards...

Back when I ran track and I was part of the 2 mile race, I would get really nervous before the race started but than somewhere within the miles I would get comfortable and feel in my element. I would stay focused but find the pace I needed to make it through. Than as the race would get closer to ending and I would turn that last corner and everyone would begin to cheer and push me to beat my time. I would gain a momentum that I did not even know I had and it would control my legs and before I even really understood, it would all be over. Now I'm in that stretch and everyone is cheering and reminding me that this is it. I feel a loss of control and time is pushing me forward but all I want to do is stop and look around and think about how it all started and the journey that got me to this finish line. I know that I can't just stop and hold on in these last weeks but I want to go out with a blast! I want these last weeks to be as great as all the wonderful weeks I had before.

It feels a lot better now that my future is somewhat clearer. But now I'm starting to picture the walls of this home empty and that moment where you turn around and say good bye. The kind of good bye that changes everything and you know that you can never really go back again. I suppose all in all I am ready and I will be OK, but it does not mean it will be easy.

So here is good bye to another home, more of a home than I have had in years, and good bye to a wonderful family, a family I will miss everyday. Here's to a journey that molded me and made me better and here is to a journey that I have yet to take.

Here we go; with less than two months remaining....

Movies Movies Movies!!!

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total so far: 9

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
(x) Saw II
(x) White Noise
(x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 21

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 29

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 38

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far: 48

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 56

(x) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 66

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 76

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
(x) Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
(x) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 89

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
(x) Joy Ride
(x) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 102

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(x) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
(x) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
Total so far: 110

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 119

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 133

(x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
(x) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 141

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 147

(x) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
(x) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 151

(x) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 156

( ) High Tension
(x) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
(x) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 162

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
() Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
(x) the Hills Have Eyes (the original!)
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 165

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
() Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
() Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 171

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total: 179

So that explains why I never remember what happens in movies I've seen anymore....I've seen way too many!!!! Damn those Hollywood Video years....

Nowadays

So I would like to sit here and speak positively about all the great things going on in my life because I definitely use this blog to vent more often than I use it to discuss all the wonderful things I take for granted everyday but today might be a very bad day and I am still just waiting to find out. I can't help but thing that this time no news does not mean good news. If my mom lost her job today that would just be awful. She would have to move out of the apartment she loves, that would be good bye to this job that she has been really happy in and I don't even know if she would be able to stay in state. Also that would mean I would lose my insurance and I'm really afraid of not having insurance. I just wish that someone would call me back so I'm not just sitting here freaking out...

But really other than this potential issue I am doing pretty great! It is really weird to think about the fact that there are only 10 weeks left before graduation. The idea of leaving this place is becoming more real to me the closer it gets. For right now I try to think no further than Spring Break and how awesome that will be!