Old Feelings...

I find my self at this very moment reverting back to an old sense of self that I have desperately tried to over power. I just feel very alone and I'm not sure why. I feel like a push came to shove I am never picked first. I know that sounds lame but my mom will always favor my brother more, as she has blatantly stated to me before, I will never have a real best friend that will put me ahead of everyone else and not treat me like I can't make mistakes too, and even with Matt his family is still always first which I guess is fine but I don't think I have the type of family that I always want to put first since I am never first for them. I hate that I have to word it this way but I don't know how else to express it. I'm feeling phased out and left behind....

I just want to feel really special and I don't...I'm pretty sure its just my own problem but I don't know how to make it go away anymore. When will I grow out of my daddy issues because they ruin me and my relationships? Lately I just don't like who I am and I suppose how is anyone suppose to care about me if I don't care about myself...