BFFs...?

So I have been thinking lately and I just feel like I've lost my best friend. I don't really care to talk to her anymore and well I just don't know who she is anymore. Or maybe its that she is who she has always been and I have just done a lot of growing in the last few years and I do not see eye to eye with Meghan anymore. I adore Jay and I think he and I are closer than we have ever been but truly I don't know if he is really my best friend either. It may be lame to consider, but I just feel like I don't have a best friend, maybe I never really did. I just always wanted to be a best friend and have a best friend that I think I tried too hard to keep that title. Maybe after high school we aren't meant to have "best friends" anymore; just a lot of really good friends. I am glad that I have all my different friends in my life to go to for different things, but I can't help but wish I had that one friend that I could go to for anything and not feel uncomfortable or judged about it. For the most part I guess I do have Matt for most of it but I don't want to have to go to him for girl things, even though with two sisters he is always willing to listen to my girlie moments...

I guess I just wish that Meghan was different than she is and would just grow up a little bit. I am glad that she is unique and a free spirit in so many ways but not when I am potentially going to be relying on her for part of the rent next year.

I think I just feel kind of lost and scared lately....I am really not even sure why. My future is so bright but I am terrified of it. I wish I could live off the best moments in my life and ignore everything else...