Money Money Money

Now that is a word that has consumed my life from time to time. I hate having to center everything around it but I guess that is just part of being an adult in this society. It is such a relief that I have been approved for another loan. I can get myself out of this credit card debt and attempt to start over and rebuild. I have worked too hard to be in this position and a little bit of freedom is going to be a nice change that I have not had for almost a year now. I realize that the last thing I really needed was another loan to add onto the 60 grand I will be paying for the next 30 years, but it is still better than credit card debt and I have to pay for next semester; my last semester of my undergraduate...

Someday I will be able to live the life I want and money won't dictate my every move. Someday I won't be forced to by crappy food and lose 8 pounds in a month because of my position. Someday I will go on vacations and pretend I live in a fantasy world and my childhood will be nothing more than a distant memory allowing me to appreciate where I have gotten myself. Granted, I'm not saying I want to be rich or anything even close, but I just want to be somewhat free of the agony of making constant sacrifices just to survive. I want to know that if my car breaks down everything will be fine and I will have a way to work the next day. I want to know that if it is a bad winter I do not have to fear having my gas or electricity turned off like it was when I was in high school. I just want something stable with room for a little adventure every once in a while. I realize the American dream is slightly a fable in today's world but I can't help but hope to find a little of it in my future. Is it so bad to want you dreams to come true? To find some form of a home and surround myself with animals, mainly dogs? Is it so bad to want to have parties and invite everyone I care about to them and have long conversations around the table until the sun rises? I may have to order the food or have people bring dishes, unless I actually learn to cook, but at least I will have to coolest napkin folds...

I don't know...I guess I'm just rambling and probably not making much sense but I just hope I do not have to spend my entire life completely money conscious and be able to allow for some fun without the guilt that always follows....